Alright folks. Let me tell you about a form of local legislation that recently, has not only constrained my behavior, but my literal lifestyle. For those of you still living in dorms, take especial heed to what I'm about to say. View at your own discretion.
Okay, so the place I lived at for the majority of my college career--whose name I won't mention (though I don't know why... I really should... But I guess I'm just nice like that)--is run by an administration of fucking Nazis. For the sake of convenience, I'll just refer to these folks as, "the Regime". So, reason 1) why they are Nazis: the population hosted by the Regime is, as I've witnessed it, largely regulated to maintain a certain "quota" of "client-types". By this I mean, a good 80% of the residents are student females, and about 80% of that group is either blonde/fair haired, or simply, slender. Now, at first I perceived this to be a good thing; it certainly couldn't hurt my chances, right? But after a while, I noticed the kind of effects that this 'demographically exclusive' culture had on its community.
Let me go ahead and give you an example. So there I was, about to fall asleep like a typical diurnal creature, when all of a sudden, I get a midnight call. The caller was someone I had met through a sublease--they were a small, non-white female. She had called me on the basis that, as she was getting ready to leave the office study, she noticed a handful of 'fellas' suspiciously "chillin'" outside the office in their vehicle. I did not need to ask to already know what about them she thought was so suspicious. Yet, she told me anyways... in her own way: "that they did not look like the 'type' that lived in this neighborhood." On one hand, I could have acted gentlemanly, escorted her through the dubious loiterers to her place, and surely, proven myself a hero of the night! Instead, I told her she would be fine and returned to my slumber. (Oh, she still owes me $200 btw. Forgetful bigot.)
Reason 2) The Regime implements a yearly purge to meet their quotas. It's called: Not renewing your lease--an annual event where they get to treat you like assholes. On these occasions, the administrators unmercifully oust everyone they deem unfit to go live out on the streets. This year it happened to be me. I assume that as a dark-haired-not-woman man, I simply didn't meet the standards of their quota. I don't know what I will do without a bed, or a room, toilet or kitchen. Indeed, there are enough squirrels on campus to provide adequate sustenance... but it is the nightly mosquito raids that really worry me.
And speaking of raids, reason 3) is that the Regime conduct their operations like the damn Gestapo. I have seen them in action. Persecuting my upstairs roommate who--was an asshole! and thought that for some reason, it would be ok to start cleaning up for the move out at 1 am last night; costing me over an hour of sleep and a serious seretonin depletion by vacuuming the entire upstairs (and stairs) like a vampire crak-head; and who--had done a shitty job of paying his bills on time as well as returning his calls from the Regime about the matter. Consequently, I heard a pounding on the door; I opened it to find a couple of petite punishers charge in to stamp a letter of condemnation against his door. They moved like shadows in the night. So swift, so stealth. Truly a scary experience.
The point is, that I have been made the victim of an unjust purge simply because I was not born a dumb blonde. Fucking fascists.
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